Reflecting on our time in Kenya, our last couple of days, debrief and conversations since we’ve been home by Ashley Post
If I had to use one word to describe our time in Kenya, it would be “full.” It was full of love, generosity, emotions, lessons, people, relationships, powerful moments, new experiences, and full of the Spirit of God.
There are moments and lessons that stand out as I think about our time. Personally, I experienced a powerful moment with Pastor Muthama at Redeemed Gospel Church in Korogocho that involved him praying blessings over me and continuously speaking very specific identity over me. I am a child of the I AM. It was a blessing to be able to engage with Compassion children sponsored by our team members and Trinity family members. To be able to hear their stories and to share moments of laughter, joy, and a deep love for our Heavenly Father.
We came together as a team in Tala as we facilitated VBS and experienced lessons in patience, pivoting, teamwork, adapting and grace. We experienced new and unexpected anxieties and were able to surround and support one another with prayer, love, and grace. We had nightly debriefs where we sat down to reflect on the day, what stood out to us and what our takeaways were. It was enlightening and encouraging to hear how God was stirring the hearts of each team member, and what He was highlighting through Big Eyes and Big Ears.
As much as we experienced and were blessed by our time in county, I have found that conversations on the return side have been just as large a blessing and full of fruit from the Father. As I seek to absorb all the Father has for me and continue to process the experience as a whole, I’ve had conversations about how being in the mission field almost always “brings you to the end of yourself.” I witnessed team members experience this and experienced it myself. Despite starting each day, regardless of where were at, in hours of worship, song, and dance, about a third of the way through our trip I found that I felt like I hadn’t spent time in worship. I realized that because we had been worshiping corporately each day, I hadn’t been plugging into my own personal methods of worship. By popping my earbuds in with my worship playlist for the morning bus ride, or while I was standing outside waiting for our departure each day, I was able to have that very personal, one on one time with the Father where I was able to receive His refreshment and restoration to sustain me. In a moment where I was feeling fried, exhausted, and very much at the end of myself, I mentioned to our team leaders that I “needed a day of clouds or stars.” I recognize and am grateful for the ways God has cultivated my love of the sky and the ways He connects with me through beauty there. I was beyond blessed the following day with a beautiful golden sunset complete with wispy, magnificent clouds. It’s a moment where I felt truly seen, heard, and loved.
I abruptly came to the end of myself on our return journey home as we boarded our flight out of Nairobi. As I sat down in between a team member and a woman I didn’t know, in a narrow seat and prepared for take-off, I experienced an anxiety spike that was so intense that I immediately thought “I cannot be here, I need to get off the plane.” That thought was quickly followed by the resignation that there was no alternate solution. To get home, I would need to take a flight, be it this one or another one. So, I sat still, with anxiety clogging my throat and attempting to paralyze my breathing. I am grateful that God has spent the past few years coaching me on how to combat moments like that, spiritual warfare, and anxiety. The only option was to surrender my anxiety to the Father. After reminding myself that I could in fact breathe, I sent out a myriad of text messages requesting prayer warriors to engage in prayer on my behalf. I immediately inserted my earbuds, turned up my worship music and began praying. For 8 hours. I only left my seat once, about 40 minutes before we landed in Paris. Only by God’s grace and the weapon of prayer was I able to have any sanity at the end of that flight. As we hit the tarmac, I had a knot the size of a baseball in my throat, I was drained. Physically, emotionally, mentally. By the time we came through our last security checkpoint before our next flight, I was a mess. I was greeted by a friend, and team lead who was able to process with me. We were able to walk around, breathe, and before we even began boarding our next flight I was already in “battle mode” and in the process of “armoring up” with worship music filling my ears and prayers being lifted. Our second flight was 1,000x better. As I processed with friends, they reaffirmed that they knew exactly how I went into battle. That God has shown me and taught me how I best connect with Him, and how to “armor up” for those moments when the enemy tries to knock you on your butt. For the moments that bring you to the end of yourself.
In correlation to how being on mission with God brings you to the end of yourself, I’ve had conversations on how important and vital it is to know yourself well before entering the mission field. How necessary it is to be secure in your own spiritual disciplines. To know how you connect with the Father, how He restores you and how you “armor up.” For me, I know that worship music and prayer are my first lines of defense. I have specific songs in my playlist curated for specific battles. I know how important it is for my soul and my feeling connected to the Father to be able to stop and stand in awe at the beauty in his creation and how I feel His presence in the beauty of the sky. If I were to give one piece of advice to anyone/everyone who is actively, consciously joining Jesus in the mission field it would be this: Know yourself. Know how you connect with your Heavenly Father. Know your weapons and be prepared to engage them. The enemy seeks to distract, dissuade, and disengage you, be prepared!
One thing I am still processing and have had conversations on since we have been home is how to get the mission, or the fruit out of mission when the actual act of mission feels more like work or is task focused. As I’ve assessed and reflected on each leg of our time in Kenya, the segment I struggle with most is our time in Tala. I felt relationally connected and almost immediately saw the fruit of mission in Nairobi and in Makueni with our Compassion partnerships, but felt almost disconnected in Tala running VBS. My role in planning and overseeing the craft portion of VBS was relatively behind the scenes and administrative. While I, in no way am discounting my contribution to our time there, I found that the practicality and almost normalcy left me struggling to feel connected or plugged into “mission.” After a recent conversation regarding this struggle, someone reminded me that “being on mission with Jesus isn’t always glamorous.” It was a good reminder that mission wont always be blatant and bold, but that even in the simple, every tasks, we can join Jesus on mission and seek His will and His way.